Who We Are
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Corporate Bro   Sales Bro   Born in Atlanta, Georgia, Corporate grew up in an upper class family with all the advantages in the world. Despite those advantages, including an elite private education, Corporate decided to throw himself into the soulless world of sales where, naturally, he thrived. After learning all he could at one of the largest, most cutthroat Fortune 500 companies in San Francisco, Corporate's life was turned upside down when he was unexpectedly let go. Thats when he took at job at a Bay Area tech start up. His ability to crush quota and slang software suddenly became limited by the startup, hipster savages he works with and the dumbasses he has to sell to. Purveyor of the word “tight,” you will often find Corporate after hours in the gym, throwing around large amounts of weight. Because gainz, dawg.

Corporate Bro
Sales Bro

Born in Atlanta, Georgia, Corporate grew up in an upper class family with all the advantages in the world. Despite those advantages, including an elite private education, Corporate decided to throw himself into the soulless world of sales where, naturally, he thrived. After learning all he could at one of the largest, most cutthroat Fortune 500 companies in San Francisco, Corporate's life was turned upside down when he was unexpectedly let go. Thats when he took at job at a Bay Area tech start up. His ability to crush quota and slang software suddenly became limited by the startup, hipster savages he works with and the dumbasses he has to sell to. Purveyor of the word “tight,” you will often find Corporate after hours in the gym, throwing around large amounts of weight. Because gainz, dawg.

Matthew Kiefer   Sales Bro, Corporate's Best Friend   After pursuing a degree in Finance, Matthew “String Bean” Kiefer decided to dive into the world of sales. Enticed by false promises and inflated commission checks, Kiefer joined a large Fortune 500 company where he met his partner in crime, Corporate Bro. The two became instant friends and Kiefer soon found himself emulating the stereotypical sales bro persona. After Corporate “mutually departed” from the company, Kiefer soon lost his way along with the chiseled muscles that he had built. Corporate managed to land him a role at his new startup and the rest is history. Although he never did find his way back to the gym, Kiefer and Corporate are just taking sales one day at a time while reaping the benefits, both negative and negativer.

Matthew Kiefer
Sales Bro, Corporate's Best Friend

After pursuing a degree in Finance, Matthew “String Bean” Kiefer decided to dive into the world of sales. Enticed by false promises and inflated commission checks, Kiefer joined a large Fortune 500 company where he met his partner in crime, Corporate Bro. The two became instant friends and Kiefer soon found himself emulating the stereotypical sales bro persona. After Corporate “mutually departed” from the company, Kiefer soon lost his way along with the chiseled muscles that he had built. Corporate managed to land him a role at his new startup and the rest is history. Although he never did find his way back to the gym, Kiefer and Corporate are just taking sales one day at a time while reaping the benefits, both negative and negativer.

Paul Fister   Sales Manager   Hailing from a place no one has ever heard of, Paul Fister moved to the Bay Area in 2008 to start his career as a door-to-door CUTCO Cutlery salesman. After seeing a surprising level of success on the job, Paul moved on to Xerox where he was an account manager for three years. After more surprising success, in 2016 he was headhunted to become the first member of the company’s sales team (a team he still leads). Despite a long career in sales, Paul has somehow managed to stay incredibly chipper and positive. We think it's because he is an undercover Adderoll addict. In the rare moments Paul isn’t micro-managing his employees he likes to spend his time LARPing, discussing the latest health trends, and hiking with his terrier 'Snax.' Oh, and he loves nothing more than paying $9 for avocado toast.

Paul Fister
Sales Manager

Hailing from a place no one has ever heard of, Paul Fister moved to the Bay Area in 2008 to start his career as a door-to-door CUTCO Cutlery salesman. After seeing a surprising level of success on the job, Paul moved on to Xerox where he was an account manager for three years. After more surprising success, in 2016 he was headhunted to become the first member of the company’s sales team (a team he still leads). Despite a long career in sales, Paul has somehow managed to stay incredibly chipper and positive. We think it's because he is an undercover Adderoll addict. In the rare moments Paul isn’t micro-managing his employees he likes to spend his time LARPing, discussing the latest health trends, and hiking with his terrier 'Snax.' Oh, and he loves nothing more than paying $9 for avocado toast.

 
Travis   Sales Bro, Douchebag   In 2012 Travis made his way from a call center sales job in San Diego to the Bay Area. He tells a story about how his parents gave him a phone and a call list at the age of 4 that no one actually believes. His college education doesn’t matter because it really wasn’t that impressive, but he was a four-year, redshirt, D1 basketball player. His arrival to the company hasn’t been easy for Corporate as the two consistently find themselves vying to be #1 on the sales leaderboard. While borderline special needs, Travis’s gift of a silver tongue has his prospects changing their underwear and female coworkers swooning. To all the office bros, he is “that guy.”

Travis
Sales Bro, Douchebag

In 2012 Travis made his way from a call center sales job in San Diego to the Bay Area. He tells a story about how his parents gave him a phone and a call list at the age of 4 that no one actually believes. His college education doesn’t matter because it really wasn’t that impressive, but he was a four-year, redshirt, D1 basketball player. His arrival to the company hasn’t been easy for Corporate as the two consistently find themselves vying to be #1 on the sales leaderboard. While borderline special needs, Travis’s gift of a silver tongue has his prospects changing their underwear and female coworkers swooning. To all the office bros, he is “that guy.”

Ben ????   Sales Bro   No one knows much about Ben. Who is he? Where did he come from? How long has he worked here? DOES he work here? All that’s known for certain is that we think his name is Ben… or something like that. Also he fucking  loves  Cheetohs.

Ben ????
Sales Bro

No one knows much about Ben. Who is he? Where did he come from? How long has he worked here? DOES he work here? All that’s known for certain is that we think his name is Ben… or something like that. Also he fucking loves Cheetohs.

Emily Facenhoffen  Sales Chick  Despite society’s attempt to brand bros as male only, Emily represents the counter to this argument. Having endured being the only chick on her team at several companies, she has become somewhat immune to the debauchery of sales culture. Despite her soft exterior, deep down she too is a savage, calling out prospects on their bullshit and reminding her dude-colleagues that sometimes a little class goes a long way.

Emily Facenhoffen
Sales Chick

Despite society’s attempt to brand bros as male only, Emily represents the counter to this argument. Having endured being the only chick on her team at several companies, she has become somewhat immune to the debauchery of sales culture. Despite her soft exterior, deep down she too is a savage, calling out prospects on their bullshit and reminding her dude-colleagues that sometimes a little class goes a long way.